Choices

Commitment.

That is one terrifying word! I know I certainly used to be afraid of it. One day I was ready, the next I was warning Yan not to ask me because I would say no. I didn’t know what I wanted. Like everything else in my life right now, I was lost.

This is the time for me where decisions have to be made. I am walking through a forest of various pathways. All are open to me. All are inviting. But there are no clues as to what lies at the end of each path, or what I may encounter along the way. And the further I walk, the narrower my choices. The narrower each path becomes. It’s terrifying and exhilarating at the same time.

My father told me that he loves watching us, his children, at this point in our lives because we have so many decisions, so many ways we COULD go. He will support us no matter what we choose. It’s just about making that decision.

As a child we are told we can do anything. It’s true. But unless that child is set upon a goal so concretely in their mind, the options are endless and the outcome confusing. I have two degrees: a BA in History and Classical Studies, and an MA in Greek and Roman Archaeology. I did what I wanted to do, but now I have no idea where these are taking me. I’m excited to find out, and afraid of possible failure.

And yet I am making decisions. I left law school. I choose to sign up for German classes. I contacted old professors to ask about possible PhD opportunities. And I applied for a TA position. I am making decisions, and slowly losing fear. Each day my path becomes clearer, and each day I understand where I am going.

I can’t see clearly yet, but I can see the next turn.

Life is always full of adventures...