My Last Lecture?

I spent today reading The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch, and as he predicted, I began to wonder what I would lecture on.

I always had the notion that if I was ‘lucky’ enough to know that I was dying, I would write letters. I would write to all the wonderful people in my life. I would tell them how their influence pushed me to achieve my dreams, how their words motivated me, and how they held me up when I was having trouble reconciling life with my perceived vision of how it should be.

I would write to all the people I had hurt and offer my sincerest apologies. I wouldn’t ask for forgiveness, I wouldn’t even try to explain why I felt things ended the way they did between us. I would simply apologize and tell them what wonderful people they are, and how I appreciated them being in my life.

I would write to all the people that had hurt me. I wouldn’t say they had hurt me. I wouldn’t even offer forgiveness, unless they asked. I would tell them how they influenced me to become the person I am and how they themselves are good people.

All these letter would be hand written. My personal touch to a legacy of people I met along my path.

But a lecture?

A lecture is something completely different. Last Lectures are supposed to impart some sort of wisdom to an audience of people that are likely 80% strangers. My letter legacy would only address the significant people in my own life, in a sort of selfish way. A Last Lecture is meant to be selfless, to teach people and help them live better through the speaker’s sufferings. But what would I lecture about?

In my 23 years of life I haven’t gained much wisdom. I can teach people about my philosophy on life, about determination, and about motivation, but what student can’t? I am not wise in a conventional or even nonconventional sense. I haven’t reached a point in my life where I would have that kind of advice to give, that kind of motivational speech that is meant to make others move for the betterment of their lives.

I don’t think wisdom necessarily comes from adversity. It can come from an upbringing, a shocking event, or even just compassion from watching someone else. I hope that in time I will become wise, that I will have an answer to what kind of lecture I would deliver, but I also know that time doesn’t equate learning or wisdom. And in my selfish survival instinct, I don’t want a terminal illness that may bring wisdom. I would chose to survive over imparting words to strangers.

So in short Dr. Pausch, thank you so much for sharing your words, your wisdom. The Last Lecture will stick with me as I continue to contemplate mine.

They always say that time is what you make of it. I just hope that I have enough of it to learn.